Algiz, Mannaz, Wunjo
Hello boundary issues! If you haven’t already been actively working on creating safe boundaries for yourself (and the benefit of those around you) then your buttons are going to be pushed a bit today. If you have good boundaries or have been actively working on them, they will be tested a bit. This is just a check as most of us really need some time to ourselves right no.
In fact, the other challenge facing all you is the lack of acceptance of your own innocence. For many the attitude looks likes “waiting for the other shoe to drop” or “it can’t be that easy”. Quit creating more shoes and yes, it is possible for life to blessed and easy. It starts with you accepting that is possible for you good and innocent. You may call it being jaded or realistic, throwing extra guilt on yourself for things you haven’t done yet creates openings in your energy and you guessed it, motivates others to push your boundaries. But if you keep calling punishment down on yourself, the universe will provide it.
A quiet mediation is defiantly called for today, and again tomorrow. It is a time to focus on training your body to know what it feels like to have serenity and joy in your life. From there reconnect with your youngest memory of yourself, feel how free and safe you felt then. If, those feelings were not present for you at that time, give them to that version of yourself. Let that version of you know what it feels like to not need forgiveness.
Teiwaz, Isa, Algiz
It takes a lot of courage to heal, to take a hard look at yourself and be honest about the things that you believe about yourself and to recognize the role you have played in creating your own present. You got to where you are now because of the things you believed about yourself and by your reactions to the challenges that you have manifested in your life. Just acknowledging that you are the creator or your life and that you are not a puppet takes courage. Congratulations for getting this far! Accepting this truth may freeze some of you in your tracts. It can easily lead to a pattern of fear based decisions. But know that fears are self-fulfilling, and that fear tries to hurry things along. Patience and good boundaries are needed when fear rears its head. The great thing about boundaries is that they give you the freedom to move within an area unchecked. When you give your fear a time and a place, and give your other emotions times to come out and play, one will not rule over the others. It is not a matter of shutting down fear, just a matter of not living in it. It will take as much space as you give it. Say to yourself “Okay, I am afraid that this thing won’t work out the way I intended”. Say it just once and then let it go. Acknowledging and then releasing emotions lets them have their say in their place. But don’t cling to them or get stuck in a cycle of obsessing about why you feel a certain emotion, this will only lead to layers of more doubt, fear, and anger. Acknowledging and releasing lets all of your natural doubt and worries and slight funks express what they need to say, without trapping you.
Are you doing what you love and do you love what you do? It is time to be honest about how you view your income and possessions. Do you only work to get more things? Are the things in your life ruling you? It is okay to want the nice house and fancy car, as long as they are not all that you live for. The attainment of such things should be a reward for following your heart and nourishing your soul, not the goal that consumes your every waking hour. The things we fill our homes with each contain their own energy, so are you surrounding yourself with things that bring a sense of joy, or that make you feel superior? Look you from the computer for a moment and scan your room. What things did you buy out of fear or envy? Do they really need to be there? Was the work you did to obtain the item worth the sacrifice? If not, it is time to re-evaluate what you do for money. Does your work fill you with joy? You may feel that there is no other work you could get, or that the money is too good to do anything else; if that is the case, it may just be time to be honest with yourself about why you do what you do.
Shame is most often found in the root chakra. The root chakra is where all of our impulses for fighting, eating and sex live. Naturally the things we feel most ashamed of are things like eating too much, being aggressive to people that we should have been kind to, and the mistakes and bad decisions around sex partners. Shame also acts like a bad cold. When one person behaves toward another based on their shame, the damage done to the second can lead to more. It is a nasty cycle, but it can be stopped at any time. We are going to deal with a few different levels of intensity on this topic today.
It is time to let the sun dissolve the clouds that have been hanging over you. The cloud is the shame around how you see the world and the feeling you have. How long have you believed that you were supposed to act and feel certain way because that is what you were told? Those old beliefs cause you to doubt your own feelings and hide your true self. Think back to the times as a kid when you were told how to feel by your church, your parents or the other kids around you. Do those opinions still hold weight now that you are an adult? The most dangerous word in this arena is “should”. The shame of not being worthy comes from believing everything other people told you about yourself instead of what you know to be true about yourself. You know yourself better than anyone, so let the lies go.
Then there are those of us who hold shame in our past behavior. Maybe you used to beat up the other kids in the neighborhood and how you can see the pain you caused. Kids can be very mean in junior high and high school and lash out at others out of fear and their own shame. So if you were one of the mean kids, think back to what you were really feeling when you were name calling. Let the shame that led you to shame others go. Forgive yourself and hopefully the ones you bullied will release the shame they may have picked up from your actions.
Shame also rears its ugly head after we made bad decisions in the romantic arena. Mistakes here easily lead to shame and regret. You may have given in too easily, or you may have pushed someone too far. You may have broken a few hearts that didn’t deserve it, or lashed out after having your own broken. The root of much of this type of shame comes from not communicating what you want and how you feel with the person you are with. Are you really hearing the other person when you spend all your time being afraid to say what you mean? Know that all of your emotions are valid.
And here is where it gets really ugly. Traumatic childhood, abuse, molestation, and rape all cause major amounts of shame to live in not just the root, but often most of the chakras. These cases are a bit more than can be dealt with in just a simple blog, because of the complexity of emotions and the layers of beliefs that are created, but we will touch on the shame aspect. When these things happen, especially at a young age the decision is made that you are deserve this possible because you are evil, unworthy, or unlovable. This type of deep rooted shame lives in the background and throws a taint on the rest of your emotions and you can start to become ashamed of the positive emotions you feel. That you do not deserve to fell joy, love, or hope; that you do not deserve to accept compassion or receive honesty. Reality gets skewed and it is like you like in an emotional bizzaro world. There is a way out, but it takes a time and trust. The keystone is shame that comes from believe that you deserved it. Loosen that and the other emotions can start to heal. Also know that there is someone out there who is willing to listen. Getting the story out and knowing that you are being heard and not judged or blamed releases the hold the memories have on you.
It is time to trust. This can be a hard thing for some, as fear of not receiving your due immediately chases away your trust in the situation. Put aside the fear and know that the situation will turn out in your favor as long as you hold on to trust in the divine. If you are unable to trust, take a deep look at what caused you to lose your faith. It can be restored or created from scratch if need be. It is a double edged sword because trusting means letting go of control, and that can cause a new crop of fear to appear. It can be built slowly, start with trusting one person or thing, and the next one will come easier.
My Mom called the other day with a lead on another ghost. Her hairdresser’s dog Barkley had been getting very agitated at something in the house. It was not every day and they checked for animals or anything else that could be unsettling him. The lady said that if it was indeed a ghost, he was welcome there as long as he stopped upsetting the dog. I took a look around and sure enough, it was a wandering spirit who called himself Harold. He had been a traveling salesman and liked to check in on some of the spot along his old route. He had a few places in the area he liked to visit, but never with any ill will to the humans there. Harold never did like dogs. He eventually agreed to stop irritating Barkley and we left it at that.
But it reminded me of another ghost that I had worked with about a year ago. A friend in Arizona told me about a part of her property that her dogs avoided, as did she but was not sure why. I found a woman buried there in an unmarked grave. She was terrified to leave because if she did, he could be waiting. Years had passed since her death and she was still afraid of her husband. He was controlling, jealous, and abusive. They lived outside of town on a secluded ranch with just a few hands to help with the work. She had left her family behind to be with him, as he was, of course, charming at first. She was at first devoted to him, first out of love and then out of fear. He accused her of making eyes at every man he saw near her.
He was convinced that he could never have children. When she got pregnant he assumed that it was someone else’s child. Between her religious convictions and fear of him, she never would have done such a thing. I worked with her for a while, but there was another soul that wanted to chime in.
I was approached by a very large and sad dog. He was very good at keeping the ranch safe and chasing away the other animals and had obeyed every command his master gave him. Even the night master got him would up and excited and had him attack someone. They walked into the field where someone was crying. The name and the woman started arguing. Master gave the command to attack and he did. The master buried the nice lady and told everyone that she had gone back to see her family for a while. The dog’s guilt for killing the lady kept him there.
The lady knew it wasn’t the dog’s fault and she finally had the opportunity to tell him. A few wags of his tail and he left for good. The lady left a little while later, once she knew that her husband could no longer harm her.
Or “All you need is love”
You can see all the possibilities in front of you but something is stopping you from taking the first step to your new project. It is that pesky parasite Fear. The more you feed him the more friends he calls over. And, no, this one isn’t solved but setting things on fire. Fear only dislikes on thing and that is love. Imagine the thing that you are afraid of, see and feel your fear. Now imagine the same thing but surrounded with love and joy. See yourelf taking that first step surrounded by things you love and soon you will be taking that step in reality.
The Empty Space, Secrets of the Necronomicon
This is for those of you who are going through a crisis of personal identity. It is time to burn up and get rid of all the things in the past that ‘made you who you are today’. Both the good and the bad. Let go of the past victories, while you can be proud of your accomplishments, there will be more. The big nasty thing that you survived, let that go! Yes, it made you stronger, but that is no reason to let it stay in your space.
The best way to test a past event is to tell someone about it, or just recount it to yourself, and see what emotions you feel. It has been freed from your space if you can recount a traumatic event without feeling the fear, anger, or sadness welling up in you. So, if you do feel those emotions welling up, write out everything you feel. Take your time and write down how you feel about everyone and everything involved. Then comes my favorite part: set it on fire. Don’t forget to forgive yourself.