Shame is most often found in the root chakra. The root chakra is where all of our impulses for fighting, eating and sex live. Naturally the things we feel most ashamed of are things like eating too much, being aggressive to people that we should have been kind to, and the mistakes and bad decisions around sex partners. Shame also acts like a bad cold. When one person behaves toward another based on their shame, the damage done to the second can lead to more. It is a nasty cycle, but it can be stopped at any time. We are going to deal with a few different levels of intensity on this topic today.
It is time to let the sun dissolve the clouds that have been hanging over you. The cloud is the shame around how you see the world and the feeling you have. How long have you believed that you were supposed to act and feel certain way because that is what you were told? Those old beliefs cause you to doubt your own feelings and hide your true self. Think back to the times as a kid when you were told how to feel by your church, your parents or the other kids around you. Do those opinions still hold weight now that you are an adult? The most dangerous word in this arena is “should”. The shame of not being worthy comes from believing everything other people told you about yourself instead of what you know to be true about yourself. You know yourself better than anyone, so let the lies go.
Then there are those of us who hold shame in our past behavior. Maybe you used to beat up the other kids in the neighborhood and how you can see the pain you caused. Kids can be very mean in junior high and high school and lash out at others out of fear and their own shame. So if you were one of the mean kids, think back to what you were really feeling when you were name calling. Let the shame that led you to shame others go. Forgive yourself and hopefully the ones you bullied will release the shame they may have picked up from your actions.
Shame also rears its ugly head after we made bad decisions in the romantic arena. Mistakes here easily lead to shame and regret. You may have given in too easily, or you may have pushed someone too far. You may have broken a few hearts that didn’t deserve it, or lashed out after having your own broken. The root of much of this type of shame comes from not communicating what you want and how you feel with the person you are with. Are you really hearing the other person when you spend all your time being afraid to say what you mean? Know that all of your emotions are valid.
And here is where it gets really ugly. Traumatic childhood, abuse, molestation, and rape all cause major amounts of shame to live in not just the root, but often most of the chakras. These cases are a bit more than can be dealt with in just a simple blog, because of the complexity of emotions and the layers of beliefs that are created, but we will touch on the shame aspect. When these things happen, especially at a young age the decision is made that you are deserve this possible because you are evil, unworthy, or unlovable. This type of deep rooted shame lives in the background and throws a taint on the rest of your emotions and you can start to become ashamed of the positive emotions you feel. That you do not deserve to fell joy, love, or hope; that you do not deserve to accept compassion or receive honesty. Reality gets skewed and it is like you like in an emotional bizzaro world. There is a way out, but it takes a time and trust. The keystone is shame that comes from believe that you deserved it. Loosen that and the other emotions can start to heal. Also know that there is someone out there who is willing to listen. Getting the story out and knowing that you are being heard and not judged or blamed releases the hold the memories have on you.